Monday, September 19, 2005

The winds are a-changing

The roads were filled with people on their way to the office.Busy,busy,busy.No time to apologize to the guy whose feet you step on,no time to stop for anything.I was walking along with the the general direction of the crowd, being almost swept off my feet in the bustle.Suddenly one woman shouted "Look!Up there in the sky!Its Superman!".The crowd stopped,their heads turning in unison following the direction the woman was looking at.I followed suit.Before i can realize it,i see a big man swooping down in front of me.But for the life of me i cannot recognize this to be the Man of Steel.His S is smaller,and he isnt red and blue anymore.He is crimson and blue.I rub my eyes and look again.This is no illusion.He is actually wearing crimson.He walks up to me and says "Tamal dahling!Its been ages!We should get together sometime.Call my assistant,he will set us up.".I finally shed the last remnants of shock and ask him " Cla....Superman?Your suit....its.." he cuts in and says "Dont you know it??Red is soo yesterday!Crimson is in!"he leans over and with a sly wink says "And you must understand, crimson flatters my toned abs and triceps to a level which red could only aspire!"He continued while i stood there wide eyed and open mouthed "Have you seen the fall line the Armani Gucci joint venture is bringing out in my honour??From ties to socks,all in crimson."He looks with a certain amount of glee and says "Bruce has serious fashion competetion now!"he pauses and tells me that he must get going for work beckons and asks me to get in touch with his secretary-and anticipating my question he says "He is in the directory.Look him up."with these words he flies away.The people around me are all abuzz with excitement.But the churning in my stomach wont stop.i make my way through the crowd and head for open space."You need to calm down",says the voice in my head,"Splash some water in your face and sit down for a while".I see a starbucks outlet in front of me and head for it.The whole world seems to be lurching.Just when i am about to push the door and go in,a hand grabs my shoulder.I hear a deep voice behind me "Look who is back!Well!YOU are here and you dont try to get in touch with me?".I turn around to see a man with backbrushed hair,sharp blue eyes and a face that i swear i have never seen in my life.As if comprehending the source of my confusion he says-"Really now.I havn't changed that much also."But i was lost down memory lane trying desperately to match the face with some past aquaintance.Seeing my confusion he tries to push me inside starbucks and says "maybe a steaming hot mug of coffee will jog your memory bub."he pauses and says "damnit!", looking at me he says "My speech instructor has done a good job but i am having a lot of trouble not using bub and words like that in my sentences.Neutral accents are hard to get used to."I believe my face had taken the contours of a conch shell by then.My legs were shaking like they were experiencing massive tissue failure and my eyes looked like that of a dead fish.I didnt have time to say much,i toppled over,unconscious.In hindsight,the shock was just too much to handle.When i woke up someone was bending over me and flashing light into my eyes.I heard a soft feminine voice asking me "Are you ok??i sat up straight.I said "i am better now".Someone from behind asked me what happened to you??For a moment you got me worried there."i turned around to face the man and i slowly asked "Logan??What have you done to yourself?You have changed."Logan made a face and said i am still the same man."But..??"He said "But what?I dont like being mangy anymore!I am cleaner now.I admit shaving for me is a bigger problem and my body hair was a tad worrisome but thank God for laser hair removal!"I was going to ask him "But why?What was wrong with your previous look??"when he said "Why dont you say hi to an old friend??"Following his eyes i turned around to see that woman who was there in the room.I had no trouble recognizing her.I said "Diana!Wonder Woman!Thank God for small mercies!You havnt changed at all!You look just the same!"i was breathing easy and there was a smile on my face.The smile of having found something to relate to my past in a new world.She looked at Logan and said "See?I told you that was money well spent!".What a naive fool i was!I asked Diana what expenditures she was talking about.She said "I found this amazing doctor who can take years off with a few nips and tucks.He works miracles with his scalpel."Seeing my dazed and confused look she explained..."Breast enhancement,facial lift..you know collagen and stuff to make me look younger!And it worked,i am still the same!My next investment will be to get my teeth whitened.Even logan is coming with me to get his teeth reshaped to get rid of that feral look.Isnt it marvellous??"That horrible sinking feeling was back and it was back with a vengeance.I asked in a wheezing voice which might as well have sounded like that of a mouse-"But..you are Diana,princess of Themyscira -you are ageless..."Oh dont you believe things to be that simple"said wolverine "We have to look good..so its quite justifiable!Everyone looks upto us.We have to look our best.Metrosexual,you know??"By this time Diana had come in closer and was looking at me."Truth be told honey,you are not exactly looking your best.Whats with the unshaved look??And Hera only knows when you plucked your eyebrows last.Listen why dont you get a Gillette and logan can show you how to get a close shave"Logan was nodding "Yes,the secret is to never, never shave against the grain of your beard.."I had had enough.I just got up screaming and started running away as fast as my feet would carry me...then i think i stumbled and fell.
I was in my bed-drenched in cold sweat.i got up form my bed and emptied the water bottle near my bed.the dryness in the throat was still there.I thought-Bryan Singer..all because of Bryan Singer and some stupid producer.Reality seeped in slowly and steadily..last night i had seen the on site set photos of Bryan Singer's Superman Returns.Brandon Routh in a crimson-blue suit and some rich food combined had caused this lethal dream.But i wonder,how long before this nightmare comes true??Just another geekboy's trivial worry...till next time,take care.

1 Comments:

Blogger Rohan said...

I see you already have comment spam. Turn on word verification for comments.

Laughed right through that one. Saved me the effort of devoting an entire post to Superman's Codpiece!!

Superman's a Mo, dude. How else do you explain the "double" life, the skin tight ensemble, the insignia which is basically a big arrow pointing to his crotch, which, incidently, is an eye eye red? the flaming red cape doubles as a tutu... for those akward times when you forget to pack your regular ones. (Picture Superman prancing like DeDe).

11:52 PM  

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