Of Blue-Screen and other demons

Gather around boys and girls, and let uncle solitudinarian tell you the story of a few funny things from Hollywood. (Insert groovy music and gravelly voice here, just like you have seen and heard in oh so many trailers) There is a legend in Hollywood. It speaks of a time where ideas were scant. But the brave producers and directors didn't back away from making the same films over and over again. Hollywood you see, makes films in twos. Didn't understand? Let me enlighten you then-
Armageddon & Deep Impact
Antz & It's a bug's life
Catch my drift? I could give more examples of course, but that is not what I am here to talk about. I am here to mention two films that I saw. The cave (which according to my ingenious review was totally "blech") and The descent. Now, once I had seen the cave, I had lost all desire to watch The descent, because it had the same theme. Hell, it had the same story. Even the fact that it was a Neil Marshall film was not enough to make me want to watch it. Well, idle brain...you know the deal. So, I watched The descent. How is it? Is it better than the cave? Oh hell yes! Is it scary? At some points, definitely. But is it good as a stand alone film? I mean, any film can look good when compared to a crass idiotic film. Meh, nice for a watch but not that great. The descent had many admirable things going for it. But a few things in the film require an extreme suspension of disbelief. Lines like- "They have evolved into the perfect underground creatures" (or something like that) definitely do NOT help that process. Moreover, the creatures themselves looked like a sad mix between the orcs makeup in the LOTR films and those numerous zombie films you can find. I always thought that when we enter into impausibility in a film, its best to try not to explain with pseudo science. The audience isnt that stupid. It hurts the film rather than add to it. This film veers clear of the cgi money shots that Hollywood is famous for, which I appreciate a lot. But in trying to do so, it falls prey to the other monster plaguing Hollywood- the quick cut syndrome. The action or the struggle starts and before you know it you have seen half second shots from different angles and after a quick visual barrage, its over. Call me old school, but I still get my jollies when films had a relentless approach. The monsters seemed invincible by its very presence. Hey, is it just me or did the last line about me getting my jollies sound too dirty?

I read somewhere that the cave is as good, if not better than Alien. Yes, that Alien. It is a regular phenomenon these days that with every new film, rallyists gather together to elevate it to greatness and depose reigning films of that genre. Think about it. Its been more than 30 years since The Exorcist.Trust me, even to this date, you will be hard pressed to find a film with better sound design. Its been more than 30 years for Alien too. I am not saying these films are the end all of everything. With time, technology improves. With time, I hope that as an audience and as an aspiring filmmaker, we can provide work which continues to gain new ground not only in terms of storytelling but also technical aspects. But very few films actually come close. And although Neil Marshall's latest effort is quite impressive in many aspects , it is far from being great. Watch it for what it is, a visceral summer horror film which uses claustrophobia deftly to its advantage. For Blood and gore lovers, there is plenty of eye gouging, bone crunching, flesh rending action and you will get numerous scenes of chicks beating the crap out of those "perfectly evolved creatures". Just dont expect earth shattering greatness.

Before I take my leave, I have to mention one other thing. How many of you have seen the trailer of "300"? Yes, the adaptation of Frank Miller and Lynn Varley's graphic novel. Oh my god! Please go and see it! I propose 3 new categories in the Oscars- Most overacting by the ensemble cast. Massive rape of history and of course, using the highest amount of slow motion in one film. The trailer is ENTIRELY slow motion. Dont believe me? Check it out. By the way, I think, our next generation will not look at real sunrises anymore...they will say nah Mom! The sunrise in the film looks better on tv. The sun is bigger on screen. The sky has an aurora borealis effect permanently, and of course the birds fly in slow motion during the sunsets. Come to think of it, Strippers dance in slow motion during their performance, lovemaking is in slow motion and of course, you beat up guys in slow motion. Who need what's real? Hmm...Is it Frank Miller's way of telling us that modern life is too fast? He IS subtle! Ah, sorry guys, I am just pissed that instead of getting to watch George Clooney's version of Gates of Fire, I am getting an inaccurate comic book by a mysogynist homophobe. Frat boys! Get ready to love this film! I dont know about you, but I am tired of watching fx sunrises, sunsets and slow motion. Ugh. Oh well, life goes on. Stay healthy, and stay safe.