The Grumpy Old Men's Club

Well, since I posted my poem I half expected lynching mobs to appear at my doorstep. Neither human nor spectral ones came. For that, I am indeed relieved. But needless to say my A.D.D. syndrome brain didnt have much time to fixate on that. I had stumbled across an interesting but disturbing situation. It seemed to me that everywhere I looked, all the people around me had been infected by a terrible disease. No one knows any cure for this disease. My relatives, my acquaintances, even some of my friends were falling prey to it one by one. Marriage fever. Everywhere I looked, everyone I know were getting married. Correction, are getting married. People from my office, my college, my relatives - everyone has jumped on the bandwagon.
Even if they weren't getting married,they were announcing engagement ceremonies which means a year later they would be married. A few of my friends even called up a few weeks back asking me to be their witness in the court for their registry. Egads! Don't get me wrong, marriage is not bad if you find the right person and all. While I didn't expect them to stay bachelors and spinsters forever, I just didn't expect so many of them to get hitched so soon. Since most of my friends are in the same age bracket it is only statistically obvious that they would generaly get married around the same time...say between the age of 23-28. The last few months have been particularly taxing on the imagination. Not a single month, maybe even a week has passed when I havn't got news of someone or the other's marriage plans. I must clarify at this point that this is not the rant of a person who is feeling left out or anything. For once I am truly glad I am left out.
But this is part of a bigger picture. Most of the guys and girls who are settling down are already well established and they seem headed for a comfortable future. While look at me, I have chosen a stream where only two things work the most. How much clout you have and how deep your pockets are. Neither holds true in my case. Add to that the fact that arthouse films(I don't like that label but am being forced to use it) are not exactly very popular with the public or the producers means my future isn't looking too bright. The industry is a living hell and it will be at least another 6 years before I can even dream of my own film on my own terms.The chances that I will succeed are rather slim to say the least. In all reality I will be old,bitter,unsuccessfull and cranky within 20 years.
I know what you are thinking-"There he goes again.Man!Can't he stop bitching about his bleak future?" I would ask you to hold your horses at this point cause this is exactly where I prove why this will be a good thing. Now keeping in mind about my mentality when I grow old(some would say I already am a bitter old man) I have decided to start a club. Thats right, a club. Very exclusive,very snooty. No amount of money or status will make you qualify for this club. I have come up with the following criteria for the club's membership. Read on-

The Grumpy Old Men's Club qualification rulebook-

1. Applicant cannot be a studmuffin by any stretch of the imagination.
2. Applicant should preferably be a social outcast.
Note-specially embarassing incidents in youth might help your chances of induction.
3. Applicant should not be fans of the following-
Russel Crowe
Rosario Dawson
The Rock
Vin Diesel
Hrithik Roshan
Kareena Kapoor
Paris Hilton
Ameesha Patel
Salman Khan
Colin Farrell
(the list will be expanded as and when it is deemed necessary)
4. Applicant should have extensive experience of being socially inept.
Note-Video tapes of the applicant mumbling when meeting people will add to your induction chances.
5. Applicant should not have a steady job.
6. In case Applicant has violated rule 5, we can consider membership under special clause 5-B. Special clause 5-B states that if applicant has held a steady job for some time he would only be considered if he has completely failed to save up any money in that tenure of his employment.
7. Applicant under no circumstances should have any stocks,bonds or portfolios securing their future.
8. Applicant should love the following-
Books
Films
Comics
anything else is an added advantage unless it violates rule 3.
9. Applicant should have extensive hours put into daydreaming.Minimum D.Q ratio (Daydream Quotient) should be over 25 .Any less, and you needn't bother applying.
10. Applicant should be able to quote at least 3 different superhero comics' major events.trivia,dialogues, etc.
11. Applicant should have a first hand idea of sarcasm. Applicant will be expected to write a short sarcastic letter against a person of his choice to showcase his skills.
Note-As before, any deriding comments, sarcastic pranks or limericks coined by the applicant in the past will increase his chances of getting in.
12. Applicant should be well read, and extensive knowledge of Middle Earth and Dune is a must.
13. Applicant will have to show medical records of periods of clinical depression he went through in the past. Applicant should be a control freak.
14. Applicant should be vastly underconfident. Cocky or assured people will not be tolerated.
15. Applicant should have spent hours wondering about death. Morbidity is a must.
16. Applicant have some quirky behaviour which is his unique signature.It would also essentially make it easy for the others to make fun of him.
17. Applicant should be less worried about attire and clothing and more worried about how to expand his film/books/comics collection.
18. If applicant has own laptop or home theatre system, it will be an added bonus.

Applicants can start applying now. Leave your preliminary applications in the comments box.

Having thought of these stringent rules, I can think of 3 of my friends who will qualify.
Since membership is a secret, we will call them Mr X, Mr Y and Mr Z.
But Mr X is well on his way to becoming a famous scientist (and he is also the most intelligent person I have encountered in my life).
Mr Y is well, gonna become an expert at hiring and firing people and a famous writer/poet.
Mr Z on the other hand will become a famous animator.
While I wish they would become members of my snooty club, I am their friend first-therefore I wish nothing but immense success for them. May they bathe in riches and fame. Besides I will need a few suckers who will support me when i am a pauper and sponsor some of my films. Did I say suckers? I meant shrewd individuals who would like to earn money from my films' box office success. Yeah, right!