Today i got to see Crash in the theatre. Sorry,not a theatre but in a multiplex(yes there is a difference). I had been interested in watching this film for some time and seeing it win the Best Picture Oscar over other heavyweights only heightened my interest in the film. At first two things surprised me- one that we got to see the film uncut. I guess my surprise is due to the fact that I have gotten used to seeing even ordinary scenes being cut in the hall let alone scenes of an adult nature. The first problem I had was the print of the film.The print it seems was extremely scratched which made watching some scenes quite irritating. The other thing was seeing the hall fill up only to its 1/8th capacity.If Crash is drawing such a small crowd then what hopes does Brokeback have?Must watch it soon before it goes. The first thing that I liked about the film was its music. It set the tone for the intended subject matter. Crash talks about racism thorugh the lives of around a dozen different characters. It started off quite well, making sure that the audience related to the right characters.But somewhere down the line,the film started reeling under its own weight. I had a little problem believing a few things. Some aspects of the film bothered me more,so lets get all of them out of the way. First and foremost I must warn you that from here onwards I will be revealing plot details which are potential spoilers. Read at your own discretion. The first thing that was flawed about the film was a scene where a little girl is accidentally shot from a distance of less than 3 feet and escapes unharmed. The logic given,was of course that the gun was loaded with blanks. Now even my limited knowledge of ballictics tells me that blanks fired within a range of less than 4 feet can be fatal. Even if somehow the victim escapes a fatal wound, there will be some kind of flash burn or shrapnel injury. Yet the girl escapes unhurt. The director wanted to add the element of fairytale to this particular scene but for me that did not work out well. This being a technical fault, I can overlook. The other two major points that I have against the film hurts the film and cripples it fatally. The character of the Iranian shopkeeper who had very limited grasp of english was the one which took the worst hit. In a story where significant misunderstandings and language barrier are the essence of escalating tension and drama,this man's understanding of english varies to such an extent that by the end of his story he was forming full sentences and speaking english with a thick american accent,and that too without any visible effort. The most crucial misunderstanding of the shopkeeper's story relies solely on his extremely limited command over a language foreign to him and yet his vocabulary increases tenfold in a matter of hours.That particluar bit stuck out like a sore thumb. Now for my final grudge against the film. Paul Haggis' story uses the slick idea of multiple stories running simultaneously to recount different peoples lives and their encounters with racism.But rather than talk about racism itself, it just uses it as a launchpad to cruise through different situations. Like I said before, I got the distinct feeling that inspite of the strong start the film had started reeling under its own weight by the middle. The film had started of with a study of characters with their fair shades of grey in them,like the D.A.'s wife who is openly racist,or like the cop who ,excuse the pun- cops a generous feel of a woman in front of her black husband to humiliate him. But right around the interval the film did a volte face. Suddenly we saw one character who was negative up until now doing something nice. Then another character followed suit. So basically one after the other each character got their screen time where through various acts they sort of redeemed themselves in the audience's eyes. The final straw was seeing Sandra Bullock's character hugging her spanish housekeeper. What was Haggis thinking? I for one couldnt for the life of me figure out. My main grouse is that it felt like Haggis was talking about redemption through their acts. I wonder, if he ever intended anything more than a cursory glance into this subject matter.In the end his ham handed er, handling of such serious subject matters is what killed the film.The film felt like it was divided neatly into two parts-till the rescue of Thandie Newton's character was the first half followed by the "look ma!There is good in me too!" fest.I did not have any trouble believing all the conincidences and the chance meetings. What I could not believe was this crude treatment of a subject matter that has such serious implications. You must be thinking by now why I am being so harsh in judging this film. Considering that many people have adjudged this film to be the best of last year's lot this film came with high expectations. A film that won the Best Picture,Best Screenplay and Best Editing Oscar ,I thought had a lot to offer.I was initially sceptic of the film since this was written and directed by the same guy who wrote Million Dollar Baby. I expected it to be as predictable. Nevertheless,i think another problem of the film was its unusually short running time. Ensemble films generally need more time to give breathing space to the characters. Movies like Magnolia is a better example of ensemble films. The few good things about the film were the performances of Thandie Newton,Don Cheadle and Matt Dillon. Don Cheadle's story in particular stood out for me at least. The last scene between Cheadle's character and his mom was quite impressive. Crash had won the Best Picture Oscar over heavy weights like Brokeback Mountain,Munich,Capote and Goodnight and Good Luck. Of these I have already seen Good night and I rather liked it. Let's hope I get to see the other nominees soon enough. Before I bid you goodnight,I must say again that Crash by no means is unwatchable.It is in fact a nice film. Certainly much better than the likes of Gladiator, Unforgiven, Shakespeare in Love or Million Dollar Baby-all Best Picture winners coincidentally.
Well, since I posted my poem I half expected lynching mobs to appear at my doorstep. Neither human nor spectral ones came. For that, I am indeed relieved. But needless to say my A.D.D. syndrome brain didnt have much time to fixate on that. I had stumbled across an interesting but disturbing situation. It seemed to me that everywhere I looked, all the people around me had been infected by a terrible disease. No one knows any cure for this disease. My relatives, my acquaintances, even some of my friends were falling prey to it one by one. Marriage fever. Everywhere I looked, everyone I know were getting married. Correction, are getting married. People from my office, my college, my relatives - everyone has jumped on the bandwagon. Even if they weren't getting married,they were announcing engagement ceremonies which means a year later they would be married. A few of my friends even called up a few weeks back asking me to be their witness in the court for their registry. Egads! Don't get me wrong, marriage is not bad if you find the right person and all. While I didn't expect them to stay bachelors and spinsters forever, I just didn't expect so many of them to get hitched so soon. Since most of my friends are in the same age bracket it is only statistically obvious that they would generaly get married around the same time...say between the age of 23-28. The last few months have been particularly taxing on the imagination. Not a single month, maybe even a week has passed when I havn't got news of someone or the other's marriage plans. I must clarify at this point that this is not the rant of a person who is feeling left out or anything. For once I am truly glad I am left out. But this is part of a bigger picture. Most of the guys and girls who are settling down are already well established and they seem headed for a comfortable future. While look at me, I have chosen a stream where only two things work the most. How much clout you have and how deep your pockets are. Neither holds true in my case. Add to that the fact that arthouse films(I don't like that label but am being forced to use it) are not exactly very popular with the public or the producers means my future isn't looking too bright. The industry is a living hell and it will be at least another 6 years before I can even dream of my own film on my own terms.The chances that I will succeed are rather slim to say the least. In all reality I will be old,bitter,unsuccessfull and cranky within 20 years. I know what you are thinking-"There he goes again.Man!Can't he stop bitching about his bleak future?" I would ask you to hold your horses at this point cause this is exactly where I prove why this will be a good thing. Now keeping in mind about my mentality when I grow old(some would say I already am a bitter old man) I have decided to start a club. Thats right, a club. Very exclusive,very snooty. No amount of money or status will make you qualify for this club. I have come up with the following criteria for the club's membership. Read on-
The Grumpy Old Men's Club qualification rulebook-
1. Applicant cannot be a studmuffin by any stretch of the imagination. 2. Applicant should preferably be a social outcast. Note-specially embarassing incidents in youth might help your chances of induction. 3. Applicant should not be fans of the following- Russel Crowe Rosario Dawson The Rock Vin Diesel Hrithik Roshan Kareena Kapoor Paris Hilton Ameesha Patel Salman Khan Colin Farrell (the list will be expanded as and when it is deemed necessary) 4. Applicant should have extensive experience of being socially inept. Note-Video tapes of the applicant mumbling when meeting people will add to your induction chances. 5. Applicant should not have a steady job. 6. In case Applicant has violated rule 5, we can consider membership under special clause 5-B. Special clause 5-B states that if applicant has held a steady job for some time he would only be considered if he has completely failed to save up any money in that tenure of his employment. 7. Applicant under no circumstances should have any stocks,bonds or portfolios securing their future. 8. Applicant should love the following- Books Films Comics anything else is an added advantage unless it violates rule 3. 9. Applicant should have extensive hours put into daydreaming.Minimum D.Q ratio (Daydream Quotient) should be over 25 .Any less, and you needn't bother applying. 10. Applicant should be able to quote at least 3 different superhero comics' major events.trivia,dialogues, etc. 11. Applicant should have a first hand idea of sarcasm. Applicant will be expected to write a short sarcastic letter against a person of his choice to showcase his skills. Note-As before, any deriding comments, sarcastic pranks or limericks coined by the applicant in the past will increase his chances of getting in. 12. Applicant should be well read, and extensive knowledge of Middle Earth and Dune is a must. 13. Applicant will have to show medical records of periods of clinical depression he went through in the past. Applicant should be a control freak. 14. Applicant should be vastly underconfident. Cocky or assured people will not be tolerated. 15. Applicant should have spent hours wondering about death. Morbidity is a must. 16. Applicant have some quirky behaviour which is his unique signature.It would also essentially make it easy for the others to make fun of him. 17. Applicant should be less worried about attire and clothing and more worried about how to expand his film/books/comics collection. 18. If applicant has own laptop or home theatre system, it will be an added bonus.
Applicants can start applying now. Leave your preliminary applications in the comments box.
Having thought of these stringent rules, I can think of 3 of my friends who will qualify. Since membership is a secret, we will call them Mr X, Mr Y and Mr Z. But Mr X is well on his way to becoming a famous scientist (and he is also the most intelligent person I have encountered in my life). Mr Y is well, gonna become an expert at hiring and firing people and a famous writer/poet. Mr Z on the other hand will become a famous animator. While I wish they would become members of my snooty club, I am their friend first-therefore I wish nothing but immense success for them. May they bathe in riches and fame. Besides I will need a few suckers who will support me when i am a pauper and sponsor some of my films. Did I say suckers? I meant shrewd individuals who would like to earn money from my films' box office success. Yeah, right!
